Why is it when life is going well, schedules are falling in to place...it's easy to worship, seek, and praise God?
Life as a follower definitely has its peaks and valleys and they seem frequent. I could say a month ago that everything was going well, I was energetic, motivated, on top of my Bible studies, kids were good, schedules were good....and in a months time I feel it has all gone to crap.
I have gotten behind in studies, my calendar has become so full that when I open it I feel my anxiety levels sky-rocket...so of course my OCD/"fix it" personality has decided that I need to stop everything I'm doing...stop going to Bible studies, in turn quit doing the home-work, in turn not spend as much time with God, in turn life crumbling around me...
On Wednesday's I have two different Bible studies, one in the morning, one in the evening. This morning I was telling my morning one that I was just probably not going to come back because I am too overwhelmed and I just need to cut some things out. As my BOLD mentor immediately blurted out, "YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT!! DON'T DO IT!" Honestly, my immediate internal response was to get annoyed, which made me want to quit all the more. Then tonight I went to my night study and was telling that group the same thing...I think I'm just going to take a break, I have too much going on...
Well, on my drive home I was talking to a friend and she was saying that as Christians we go through phases and sometimes we just want a break...it made me feel really good to hear that. Then after we got off the phone I began to think..."Bible study" or not I should still be spending time in the Word and living it out...so, when I got home I decided to pull out my Bible study book, which I must admit, I am weeks behind on (starting a study a week late was like already immediate failure in my mind...so hard to catch up), set my excuses aside and just start from the very beginning. I'm pretty tired and by the time I got to "day 3" I went to look up scripture in Ephesians. I began reading:
Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hears tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; her took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of the highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.
After I was done reading this scripture I was more than convicted...I looked at where I started and the title was "Have the Attitude of Christ" I continued to read the questions from my study guide and it made no sense at all...as I tried to figure out why I then realized I had just read Philippians 2:1-10 instead of Ephesians 2:1-10...my point in sharing this is I truly believe that God revealed this scripture to me TONIGHT because this is what he wanted me to hear. It's okay if can't finish all of my study...I don't have to impress anyone...I should not be doing these studies to impress others or for some kind of approval from another--I should do it because I want to spend more time with my Lord! And I should not feel so guilty and beat myself up and I fall a little behind...all that does is turn me away and causes me to take more steps back and not want to push forward.
I hope this post is not rambling to you...I am very tired, but I am grateful that I turned to the wrong chapter tonight. God clearly wanted to show me the attitude of Christ...I pray I may be more like him and others will see Him through my actions.